Family Guy Gags

Season 1, Episode 4: Mind over Murder

2007-09-14T06:45:00.001-07:00

This episode opens with a crazy "mintos" (mentos) commercial showing John Wilkes Booth shooting Abraham Lincoln.

01:26 - Stewie throws a bottle to awake Lois from her dream.
02:25 - Chinese guy and jewish guy in a bar with a naked priest.
03:25 - Peter tries doing the laundry and ends up in Narnia where Mr. Tumnus has stolen his sock.
03:50 - Peter puts paprika on Stewie instead of powder.
06:16 - Peter sends a jack in the box that knocks the woman out.
06:29 - Peter by the no loitering sign.
06:33 - Peter takes a whiz in the pool.
06:40 - Peter sneaks into wimbledon.
07:09 - Sesame Street police show with Bert as a cop and yelling at Ernie.
08:38 - Pawtucket Patriot appears and asks Peter to give "heed".
10:59 - Peter's mom hurls a whiskey bottle at him.
15:04 - Quagmire reciting "now thats a woman, a house, a beee!"
16:04 - I'm holding melons, I'm holding hooters.
18:04 - Its a time machine.... no... its a PHEASANT!
20:41 - Stewie's time machine prints a test page.
21:32 - I claim this mouth in the name of incisor....I think not... bicuspid!

S1 E3: Chitty Chitty Death Bang

2007-09-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

I always thought it was strange that the titles of the first 3 episodes of the show all contained a reference to death. Oh well, its a boy!

00:46 - Stewie's birth
01:01 - Stewie's "bomb here" map of Europe
01:48 - Meg's first drum solo.
02:18 - There's treachery afoot.
02:49 - Peter doesn't fit in with the dancing gang.
03:33 - Peter thinks Hanson are the children of the corn.
03:55 - Peter's "no fat chicks" shirt.
04:48 - Stewie's '11th finger'
05:08 - The man in white...
06:24 - Virtual stuck behind a bus.
08:27 - Peter tells lois why he cancelled the cheesy charlies reservation.
08:42 - "welcome to cheesy charlie's... heil hitler!"
09:12 - vanilla chocolate strawberry and people.
09:49 - Stewie climbs down the window with suction cups.
10:20 - Peter farts in the elevator and blames the other guy.
10:31 - Brian chases that mythical covered wagon.
11:16 - Peter chases the 3 little pigs for stewie's petting zoo.
13:20 - Stewie freezes the airport guy in liquid carbonite.
14:58 - Stewie prepares for his party.
16:02 - for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.
16:14 - Jesus turns water into funk.
17:57 - The leader of the cult.
20:31 - trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the hershey kiss nipples.
20:56 - Greetings man in white, i've been expecting you.
21:20 - Its a boy!
21:48 - Stewie wishes for birthday funk.

Season 1 Episode 2: I never met the Dead Man

2007-09-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

Its a boy!

00:10 - Stewie using his Sesame Street phone to call the Pentagon.
01:39 - The broccoli must die.
01:59 - Captain's log.
02:33 - Peter runs over the road runner with Wile E. Coyote.
02:47 - Holy crap! Ohura's black!
03:36 - CHIPS parody. Drivin' without my phone number.
04:33 - Fox reality show: Fast animals, slow children.
05:38 - Its a girl! Can... can you check again? (Peter with sports equipment)
06:24 - Bigfoot blames Peter
06:43 - Peter sneaks into an R rated movie inside a plant.
07:07 - Peter in a towel comes to meg's class and berates her for shaving her legs.
07:43 - Tom and Dianne say nasty stuff on the news (beat up midgets, don't like blacks)
08:46 - Stewie dragging satellite dishes.
09:01 - Peter turns into an oompa loompa from eating Willy Wonka's candy.
09:25 - Sipowicz shows a guy his ass.
09:48 - Meg has an inner monologue like from "The Wonder Years"
10:22 - Scooby doo parody, one sick son of a bitch.
10:49 - First instance of "whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini"
11:00 - Wizard of Oz style TV hallucinations.
12:52 - All the channels on this thing... lifetime, cbs, UPN, ah 90210!
14:30 - Manson in jail saying "if I haven't seen it, its new to me"
15:16 - Mr Sun drops giant raisins on cars.
15:50 - Montage of outdoor activities. Catching "swamp thing" while fishing.
16:06 - Brian sees a dog like batman symbol and suddenly runs.
16:16 - Peter crashes the garage slam dunking.
16:20 - Peter waves a red blanket and gets hit by a bull.
16:50 - We're back on the air in Quahog.
17:49 - Myself, Dr McCoy, Mr. Spock, and Ensign Ricky (awwh crap).
18:29 - William Shatner's toupee.
19:03 - Fare thee well, Broccoli.
19:11 - German sausage Hitler taking over Polish and Czech.

Season 1 Episode 1 - Death has a Shadow

2007-09-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

This episode premiered right after the SuperBowl in 1999. It was our first taste of Family Guy!

Contains the following gags at approximate times:

00:00 - Brady Bunch parody: beginning.
00:30 - Jemima's Witnesses
01:26 - Das Gym: Hitler in the gym while a jew gets more attention.
02:15 - Who touched the thermostat?
02:52 - That time at the ice cream store. (Butter Rum)
02:59 - An Irish coffee the day we saw "Philadelphia" (Tom Hanks: I have AIDS)
03:43 - "Assablanca"
04:33 - Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.
04:50 - Accountants cranking adding machines in my head.
05:37 - G.I. Jew: you call these bagels?
06:27 - Unsafe toys (axe in the bat, pills, baby heimleich flamethrower)
07:13 - Devil and Angel on Peter's shoulder (but angel is stuck in traffic)
07:37 - Ohh the lost my job smells great. Pass the "fired my ass for negligence".
07:57 - Stewie's Tuna fish sandwich gun.
08:13 - I'm kaka for cookoo puffs.
08:22 - Sneeze guard.
08:30 - Von trap family singers.
08:45 - "I didn't REALLY stand up to that tank in tiannamen square"
09:00 - Peter pretends to be a lamp.
09:46 - Lois, you're getting kind of fat.
10:05 - Another devil angel gag.
10:48 - Brian hits Peter with the newspaper and says "no, no".
11:14 - Didn't have gas until I was 30.
12:03 - Clinton drinking and telling off reporters.
12:30 - "I shall call you 'eduardo' "
12:52 - 6,000 chicken fa-jeye-tas (fajitas).
13:08 - Seinfeld as a jester.
13:55 - It does keep the Black Knight at bay.
16:05 - The old "trying to make amends after spending $150,000 in welfare fraud"
17:01 - The guy who couldn't hold the soap.
17:50 - Stewie and active grenades.
19:02 - I want you boys to scream real loud at my ass.
19:40 - Kool aid man OHHH YEAH and then backs off slowly.
21:11 - Chachi she sells sea shells... bear attack.

Welcome to Family Guy Gags

2007-09-08T14:29:00.001-07:00

Its always been my goal to create a gags list for family guy. Wonder where that particular gag is? Look no further! You can get a comprehensive list of gags here!

Work in progress